Why can't you read my mind!?

I hear oftentimes from couples this common, simple phrase: "But he should know how I am! She should know that it would bother me, they've known me for years!" It is usually said emphatically with frustration behind the tone of voice. Do not fear, you are not the only one! As much as this is true, there are many other factors at play here. One of those factors are assumptions that come from thoughts. Your spouse or partner may think "but she/he was with her/his friends this week so of course they would not have minded that I didn't cook". While instead, all was needed was a check in: "Hey babe, you were out every night this week so is it safe to assume I you won't be expecting a home cooked meal?" Silly example, but you get the point. We will tackle in the next blog post why this example spouse feels the need to go out every night and leave their beloved behind... find out more in "carving out time together". 

Repairing from Regret

I noticed that not a lot of couples take the time to apologize. I can totally understand why. It is a very vulnerable act to admit one was wrong and allowing the other person to accept and forgive. There must absolutely be a change in the person apologizing. However, I think most spouses are afraid the other person will use the apology as a "one up" in the next argument. It does not work like that. It is the duty of the two parties to let the offense go after an apology is made. This also applies in a parent/child relationship after a child rectifies a wrong, whether it be forced or not, it is not used as the parent's "right" to remind them when they make another mistake later on. I encourage couples to come up with a list of "guidelines" to follow so when they are in an argument, they can fight "fairly". For example, not letting fights go into the next day, not reacting passive- aggressively, confronting the issue when both parties are calm, and not using the other person's past mistakes as reminders of how they failed. Respect goes a long way, and if it is received often, it is given often. So however one looks at it, both giving and receiving are involved, so get into the habit of doing it and watch the results! 

Reflections in a Mindfulness State

The purple tree matched the purple cloud that formed like a blob over the green trees that fill in the hills... radiating what the sun gives off in its last moments of the day. The sky dimmed and the flicker of household lights twinkled on. The cloud blob tuned to blood orange and passed on the fire color to clouds that were spectating on the side of the foliage hill. The grande finale approaches: the water joins in, as it is absorbed by the sky's colors of reflection. The blood, fire-red glistened into the ripples of the moving water, dictated by the breeze. All of creation was conducting this symphony palette of colors and movement as the day came to an end. The sky painted a canvased painting that my eyes took a quick shot of while it remained. It soon faded like dying embers...

Waiting Can Be A Good Thing

As I sat on the water one evening, in my free time, I watched a man wait for his meat to cook on this cool, crisp evening where the fading sun still shone on, making sparkling, twinkling lights against the water, and bronzing faces. No sign of exasperation showed in his demeanor. He was calmly waiting...and sipping on his drink..and looking around. I realized he was having a good time, by himself, with the meat, silently waiting. How often do we do that? How often do we take the time to silently enjoy in the waiting? Okay, phones down. No more reading. No more texting. Look to see who's in from of you. In. This. Moment.