What Happens When There is Infidelity

There are many wounds experienced in affairs; the deepest betrayal. If you are involved in an affair or your spouse was in a previous relationship, each of you will need extra support to process the hurt and trauma. It is considered a traumatic event, according to experts. The movies and films make affairs look sexy and racy. It is far from it and it indicates underlying deficits in the marriage or partnership. If you are considering leaving your partner, I recommend that you talk to them about it, and do it the right way, not through cheating on them. If you are unhappy in your relationship, (again) talk to your partner; especially about areas in which you are unhappy (in a kind manner). I understand that no one wants to confront their partner due to risking the “peace” at home. However, while that may help you in the short run, the long run will create dissatisfaction in both partners because one (or both) has begun to disconnect and withdraw. I have never met a couple that came into my office after engaging in an affair, saying, “Wow, I am so glad I did that. I got to leave my partner and have fun while doing it”. NEVER. I always hear the person who betrayed feeling remorseful, wanting what they had in their marriage previous (although it had its difficulties) to the affair, because it was easier to live with than the ramifications and aftermath of the affair. I always hear the betrayed partner say “If only they had talked to me about this and didn’t go behind my back to fix it themselves.” The betrayer believes he or she will not get caught. The betrayed person notices small, odd changes from his or her spouse. A marriage requires a lot of trust. So, once that is breeched, it is very difficult to get back. It takes a lot of work, patience, and in some cases, suffering.

If there are holes in your marriage, talk to each other, or at least, talk to a professional. Infidelity is painful and it is not taken lightly.