Asking the right questions
Asking the right questions means getting more information when your instinct is to react strongly. Here are some questions to ask in certain situations.
When you don’t understand your partner – what do you need right now from me?
When you don’t understand an emotion you are feeling– When did I start feeling like this? What situation(s) triggered it and what part of my life does it remind me of?
When you feel you are engaging in unhelpful behaviors – What is this truly doing for me? Does it help me feel…(fill in the blank). Then discuss the rest with me ; )
These are just some examples of asking the right questions. I know I have said that phrase a few times now in this post. I truly think the phrase answers a lot of doubts! How many times do I hear from people that they do not understand another person’s actions? Or how many times have I heard clients say “I am in therapy because someone else will not go to therapy”. I know it seems unfair, but a lot people do not heal or grow because they do not believe in healing for themselves. Therefore, they are taking out their anger on others, that “other person” goes to therapy to realize they need self care too. Yes, we are affected by others, there is no shame in that reality. The main thing is to find peace within ourselves and with others. Both of those goals take work. So, when you find yourself confused about a situation (as the above examples), take a moment to think about what question you need to ask yourself. Get real for a moment. I know it’s hard for some of us, but getting real is necessary for growth. The main things to ask oneself is not why but what. What makes me do this? What makes me upset? Asking why only makes us feel stuck, because we are human, so we feel. That is the answer for why. When you ask what situation started this? Or what person in my life is creating this world view for me? We begin to go deeper with these questions. You may need a therapist to go deeper, so I am here when you need it, or I have referrals. Taking care of yourself is important!
